Is it so bad when society labels you a slut?

You will always hand over your sexual autonomy to the male so that you’re not deemed a ‘slut’.

March 1, 2021

Being called a slut is highly degrading and upsetting. It is offensive and upsetting to anyone on the receiving end of it. More so for us as women because the term was designed to offend women in particular.

WHAT DOES BEING A SLUT BRING TO LIGHT?

Being a slut highlights the number of sexual partners that you have been with. The higher the number, the more reckless and ‘friendly’ you are. You are said to be easy and immoral. This in turn brings into question your sobriety, how you do drugs, how you are difficult to be with and how you are failing as a woman. Slut also implies a lot of the times that you have had an abortion or five. This is what a slut has been deemed to be. However, it is not so.

But before we get to that, you have to ask, if a slut is someone with too many bed mates, how many is too many? If there is such a thing as too many then there should be a threshold which clearly differentiates between enough and too many, right! If you know one please let me know. As far as I know, that threshold does not exist.

Too many is an arbitrary number that is subjective to you. To put it plainly, if you do not think your current bed mates are too many then they are not. It does not matter if it is 8 or 8 billion.

WHY ARE YOU THE SLUT?

As a woman there are certain societal expectations you have to adhere to. Especially considering how your role has been relegated to serving the man. As such you should be controllable and agreeable.

The use of slut is a form of control on the woman. It is designed to associate the idea of sexual choice with derogatory acts and connotations. This then makes the freedom of experience seem distasteful. This is because the idea is then equated to shitty behavior even when that is not the case.

As such the slut, in an attempt to seek sexual liberation is made to look depraved and vilified. That way you will always submit to the male decision. You will always hand over your sexual autonomy to the male so that you’re not deemed a ‘slut’.

WHAT DOES BEING A SLUT ACTUALLY MEAN?

Which brings us back to what is a true slut? The word slut is mainly based on assumption and perception. It is perceived to be one thing but truly another. A slut is basically a woman who owns her sexuality in whatever form it comes. She does not hide behind a timid exterior, good girl act or sexual ignorance all in the pursuit of none existent purity. A slut understands the basic fundamentals of sex, if it feels good say so, if it doesn’t say so and always take responsibility for what you chose to do.

A slut is a woman who will ask for condom because she is afraid of contracting an STD, getting pregnant etc. However, the world will perceive her as a promiscuous prostitute because she asked for a condom. Being a slut means taking charge of your sexuality. It means being able to tell your partner how you like to be pleasured and being open to the experience of enjoying sex.

Most sexual activity is like cooking a meal with a partner whom you will have to eat with. If you do not work together, communicate and work to each other’s strengths the end result will be bad. And music and laughter always make things ten times better and easier in both instances.

Being a slut means coming to this realization and communicating your preferences unashamed. You would never keep quiet about your allergy to ginger so why keep quiet about not wanting to be choked?

WHY DOES IT MATTER?

Sex is not spoken about and yet it is practiced by almost everyone above the age of 16. We are all as a result of it. Sex drives so many aspects about your life such that its effects are impossible to avoid.

Sex is a powerful tool in the control of female body autonomy. From the hymen lies you are told at a young age, to the attaching of purity and self-worth to virginity, how you dress can be directly traced back to your experience with sex.

As such sexual autonomy can be viewed as a form of liberation for the woman. It helps you own who you are and helps you take charge and be responsible for any consequences that arise. Along with allowing yourself to embrace the self and learn how to love yourself.

Being a slut matters because the term slut at its very core is just another label designed to oppress you as a woman. It means nothing except that you are being controlled. Embracing the slut means taking away the mechanism with which you are being controlled. It means the freedom to decide what you want and what is best for you.

HOW TO BE A SLUT?

Being a slut is simple, just be what you want to be. Be unapologetically sexual if you want to. It is about your comfort levels. Carry a fresh pack of condoms in your bag at all times. Speak up when you’re not into it, don’t just take it. If he wants to do something, you’re not comfortable with, say something and if he still wants to continue, walk away.

Granted it is a difficult process because it goes against a lot of the things we believe a woman should be but it is for the greater good of female kind. It saves you from a lot of regret and discomfort.

At the same time being a slut also includes not putting other women down for owning their sexuality. It means being supportive of every woman’s decisions because you know that you are not her and she did/chose what she had to, the way she saw fit. Its about respecting everyone and commanding respect in return.

WHY YOU SHOULD BE A SLUT?

One too many times women feel helpless and without power when it comes to sexual issues. This is even though we have to bear most of the lifelong consequences that come with sex. You should take more charge in what you engage in. Be more intentional about it. That way you are not laden with a responsibility you did not understand that you were taking on. You should engage in sex when you feel you are ready not because you meet someone who wants to.

You should not be pressured to not speak about sex because it is taboo. Communication is important to better everyone’s experience. It will also add an overall safer and more transparent air to the whole affair.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you should sleep around willy nilly. All I’m saying is sex should not be feared or treated like a gateway drug. You are allowed to speak about it and express your opinions about it. Whether man or woman, you should be a slut i.e. decide what is best for you in any situation. Do not let terms and definitions dictate what you do.

If you are going to practice it, be safe and transparent with your partner about your experience. Have fun. Be a slut, a responsible slut. And after that enjoy life.

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